Why paint?

What define an artist?

I really can’t give a definite answer. I believe every artist sees things/objects differently.

My ultimate dream is to have my very own exhibition. Especially colour pencils media, since I’ve never seen a  art, solely on cp, in Malaysia. I want to show that this media is at par with those of the norm such as water colour, acrylic etc. I’ve seen deviant art using cp, on a very huge scale, of course, it is done by a professional artist. So it’s not impossible to do deviant, abstract, modern art using cp, but one definitely needs tonnes of cp!!

We had an artist friend, who is also a freelance curator, who came over for a drink one night and I asked his opinion on me holding a exhibition. He said I need at least 15- 20 pieces of complete work and better still to have it done on a greater scale, such as, instead of painting on a normal scale, do it on a 5 feet and above scale. This, to give it the ‘wow’ factor.  It’s all too much for me. I’m not a professional artist, how in the world am I gonna do it? So, I can forget about holding an exhibition. I felt quite disappointed after that. I stop painting for a few days….

Then, one day, I went , what the hell, Sharon! What were you thinking? Why did you paint in the 1st place, why choose cp? I realised that I paint because I found cp painting is unique, I can express my observations and feelings better compared to other media. SO, why should I be upset?

I don’t need think when I paint, my mind is a blank. I can’t just sit and think how am I gonna paint it. I need to get hold of a cp and my hand just flow, knowing which colour, how much how little and so forth. When I’m in this mode, I’m at peace, I can forget whatever is troubling me, it refreshes me.

Do I just paint because I like a certain thing? What do I see in it? Why don’t just take a picture and that’s it?

For example, this painting of a teddy bear, it’s quite mundane to others but to me it represent the innocence, pureness, helplessness of a child. This bear belongs to my 16 years old daughter which she no longer treasured. It was left on  a sofa in her room because I refuse to give it or store it away. The bear also represent me, both of us, abandoned by a child who has grown into adulthood…. So when I’m painting it, it sort of letting go. Each stroke is like caressing my baby’s hair, letting her go gently with a heavy heart. No way I could do that to her now, she’s a teenager now!!!

This painting is yet to complete, I’ll take my own sweet time. I don’t know how it’ll look when I’ve completed it. We shall see…..